Why Is It Not Easy To Forgive Oneself?

Self-love and kindness towards oneself might just be the key.

I find myself overthinking on many topics lately, and this particular one was one of them. So, I thought of writing it down. Do you also feel like a cassette is on play-pause-rewind-play mode in your mind if you're thinking of an error that you made? It might be a recent one or one from your past, but when you know you're at wrong, it just doesn't feel right. Am I right? 

It can be as silly as a spelling error or something you said out loud in a crowd. Of course, many times you forget it because it's silly, but at times, the cassette doesn't stop. It's easy to belittle oneself and criticize. That's why it's easy to not forgive and forget.

Over the years, we learn to let bygones be bygones, but it's always in context with others. You forgive someone else for their mistake and try to forget the incident. The same rarely applies to oneself, even if you have corrected or apologized for your actions. Over-analyzing the situation, being overly self-critical, and being ashamed can just be a few of the reasons why we are stuck in the vicious cycle. After giving it a thorough look, I feel it comes down to being kind to ourselves.

Now think about us showing empathy and kindness towards others in the given situation. It'll be easy to forgive them, right? If we apply the same logic to ourselves, then maybe it'll be easy for us too. So, here are some things I have jot down to show more kindness towards me after I have corrected myself.

• Think of yourself as a third person and look at the situation more holistically.

• Jot down the learning point, so that you don't repeat the mistake.

• Just breathe and tell yourself that it's alright. To err is human.

• Instead of being self-critical or over-analytic, do something kind for yourself, like maybe writing a love letter to oneself.

• Remember, self-love is important too.

Do you relate to this? Connect with me on whichever platforms you can and let me know if you have any other ways in which you show kindness to yourself in such situations.

Love,

Rashmi B.